Junk Bones - Dark Dark Dark

Notes: ^PostitiveFeelingsAimingForLongNarratives^

Storycorps you know it?  Booths around the country where people can interview or be interviewed and its recorded - one copy goes to the library of congress and one goes to the people interviewed.  So many stories.
Ok _____
Sessions/music corps - traveling bus recording video studioish thing that you can be interviewed in and be recorded.  Ammish folk tunes, Indian pan Flutes, Old jazz players.  
Or _____
just get really good at sessions and travel around the states making session videos
Or ____
Why is my head always in the clouds?  Why all these ideas, schemes, escape plans, missions, futures.  whats wrong with now
Or  ______
Writing a song is scarying me - I am being defeated by my standards and pre-task pessimism
Or -____
I wrote a song called You Got me in the Haunt 
Or _____
Maybe ssris are a good thing - less creative barriers??
Or _____
maybe a lot of things need to change in my life?
Hot room Hot redwood Hot Day Hot Sun Hot Work
Or _______
What if I could do the things in my head?
Or ______
How am I going to transform this bus in a month, pay rent, organize a bunch of shows, get the thing paid for somehow, write 10 songs, have an art show with my mom, intern at a creole restaurant, put new tires on the bus, date 2 people, go on ok cupid dates, work 28 hours a week in the sun, apply for residencies, write nytimes a letter, read 4 books, go shopping for 10 people, go surfing and windsurfing and sailing, get out of the hosue, take pictures, make a music video, feed a cat, pay my rent, park and repark a bus, re do a webstie, launch a website, edit a video from san quentin, go to new orleans, film and edit in new orleans, hang out with ex lovers in new orleans, find new lovers in new orleans, resurect freestyle night, film a parkour video in the dog patch, learn beatles songs on the guitar, watch a vhs dammit, help my dad move bees, get two trucks stuck and unstuck in a week, not make my mom a mothers day present, go to Sonora Twice, talk to 10 different insurance companies, play smartphone games, download tinder and delete, live with 10 roomates….
Or _____
I love the idea of the piano being in the bus
Or _____
Should I trust my gut that is vicerally telling me all the time to:
-buy a bus
-get rid of my iphone
-quit job
-go to vermont
-live in the bus and make art to sell 
-record sessions of muscians
-play lots of guitar
-live someplace beautiful like really beautiful
-live in a small town
-Make a record label
-Give a lot of beautiful things away
-Have a sunday pancake speakeasy
-Cook creole food
-Slow down
-Read one book at a time
-feel small in a landscape
-get a desktop computer - possibly without internet
-find a space that feels better than bathhouse - aesthetically. energetically
-Get inspired
-Get out
-Fall in love again
-Get lonely
Or _________
That life sounds kind of amazing - why do I choose this one?
-Fear of not making money and loosing independence
-Fear that I won’t meet people I connect with
-Anxiety that I won’t do well with unstructured time
-Hard to meet people
-Miss my friends
-Bale out on something that works pretty well
-Back to ground zero
-Can’t decide where to go
-Its cold in the winter most places
-I owe people money
Or ________
I really have so much faith in my vision
Ego man
It’s always a good idea to do them
They are windy and inspiring and blow into me without any grasping
They come easily and a free and personal and equipped and beautiful and inclusive 
They are to be trusted - they are my gifts here, this lifetime
Or _____
Ideas are shit
Or _____
The minute I start they fall and break and unrippen and spill and become not quite right
Or _____
They will carry me far along
Or ____ 
I’m more like a tree that grows slowly towards the water
Or _____ 
Maybe anxiety is the blockage.  Fear is driving me along quiet borringly.
Or ____
Maybe try zoloft or something 
Or _____
Flip flopper.
Or ______
Time for some gratitude
Or _____
Or _______
Or just write the damn song!!!!